This week in comments: poly husbands, Facebook ads, dead dogs, and marrying Princess Leia

August 2 2013 | arielmstallings
Hans Solo and Princess Leia cake topper
We have a reader who always dreamed of marrying Princess Leia. Photo by kaishin
It's that time again, when we round up a tiny handful of the enormous arm-loads of amazing comments that we got this week…

Offbeat Bride

We actually have two comments that I wanted to share this week! First, we ran a post about a polyamorous woman who's planning a wedding with her boyfriend, while being legally married to her husband. I'm always a little surprised to see what posts go over the line of "too offbeat" for some of our readers, and this post definitely did it. There were a LOT of mostly-respectful questions (mostly… we had to do more moderating on that thread than I would have liked), and the most frequent one was a dubious, "Uh, what does your husband think of all this?"

Well, the author's husband, Korwin, decided to put that question to rest with one perfectly worded, good-natured comment…

Hi! So… I am Angi's husband. Since there seems to be a lot of questions regarding where I fit into the picture, maybe I can explain a bit.

I want this day to be THEIR celebration. Angi and I did that already (11 years ago!!), so I've already been there with her for this stuff. I'm also the one who gets more of the recognition both legally and socially, so yeah, I really want them to have the focus for once that they don't normally get. I'm 150% supportive of them — they're my family! Any excuse to party in their honor is fine by me.

I will, however, distract some attention from them with my culinary expertise. I am looking forward to cooking for a larger group of people. I've never done anything quite like that before. 🙂

I think for readers who are unfamiliar with polyamory, it can be really difficult for to imagine that a spouse could be not only comfortable with their partner getting married to someone else — but actually excited about it! I hope that Korwin sharing his perspective helped to broaden the minds of some Offbeat Bride readers.

Our second Offbeat Bride featured comment came in on our post Dear Bridal Industry, we need to talk about "looking pretty" on our wedding day. Chacotoes offered the most awesome solution for how to deal with the irritating Facebook ads that start showing up once you say you're engaged:

I am copying and pasting this [post's] link in to the "why didn't you like this ad?" box on all of the Facebook ads that tell me that I need to diet before my wedding. Thank you. <3 <3 <3

Offbeat Home

Ok, so first some backstory here. Megan's family dog Ayla died last week, and so I was like OMG WTF ARE YOU THINKING BITCH when she ran a post this week about dealing with dog grief. I was all, "Why are you rubbing salt in your sad wound?!" She said it was cathartic, and then said this was her favorite comment of the week:

After my cat died, we felt we needed to acknowledge his presence even if we had decided to adopt a new little fur ball. We chose a name that was part of the same mythological pantheon as a way to tell him he had a brother before he became part of this family. This way, our little boy has an identity of his own, but still carries the loving memories of his former brother. Since Loki was part of the Norse mythology, maybe a name like Thor (Loki's brother) or Fenris (Loki's son) would be great for New Dog? 🙂

See, there's a new puppy in Megan's family… and her name is Alya, in honor of dearly departed Ayla. Awwwww.

Offbeat Families

On our post Toddler son simultaneously wears Dora apron and fights sexism, we had a collective lol at Granuaile's comment about her own childhood experiences as a "queer oddball":

Yes! When I was little, I demanded that my hair be styled in a unicorn horn (school glue + bangs) and refused to wear matching things. By third grade, I told everyone I was going to marry Princess Leia.

I am so eternally thankful that my parents let me dress myself and define my identity. I was bullied from preschool on, and they always made it clear that the problem was with the bully, not me. They did not call my clothes "dress up", tell me that girls don't marry girls, or make me "be normal" for special occasions. They also supported me when I would go through phases of trying to tone down my flare and blend in (it never worked, but I appreciated them not making a huge deal about how much prettier I looked in colors that didn't clash or when I wasn't wearing a dog collar).

The fact that I was validated for being a queer oddball from the beginning taught me to be compassionate, committed to justice, and true to myself.

Honestly, when it comes to my vision for the Offbeat Empire, I'd say "compassionate, committed to justice, and true to myself" is a pretty solid match.

Offbeat Empire

As part of our new series of posts for wedding industry folks, we asked wedding vendors how they find new clients. I love how Angela B from Save The Date Originals does it:

I do love showing off my smart car:

What'd we miss? What were your favorite comments this week?

  1. Aww, thanks for the mention! Really though. I'd been writing polite-but-"bug off" comments in all of those boxes. Now I have something so much more compact!

  2. I clearly need to go read this poly essay as I find it incredibly interesting to see their perspective on love. Quite honestly I think it helps me to heal from previous bad patches and is a how to guide of dealing with jealousy or just other weak points in a relationship.

    This is why these comment round ups are awesome so I go check out an awesome post where I don't look to often anymore on OBB.

  3. Of everything I've seen/read about on the Offbeat sites, I think the Unicorn-Horn hairdo has to be the craziest (/crazy awesome. I want to go back in time and hang out with that kid.)

  4. DAT POLY COMMENT. So much love. I had the same surprise at that apparently being too offbeat. The things that got to me were all the scare quotes around "marry" or "wedding," the comments along the lines of "well I tried being poly once and it didn't work, so good luck with that!" (which the original poster handled beautifully,) and of course the degree to which people could not imagine her current husband telling the truth about his feelings in their relationship. Me and my poly fiancee marveled at how the same people who are all about legitimizing queer weddings which are not legal felt such confusion and almost contempt for poly weddings… anyway, loving all the poly posts on the Empire lately, thank you thank you thank you for making me/us feel less invisible!

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