If the Offbeat Empire were an octopus, what would it hold in each of its arms?

February 27 2014 | arielmstallings
By: mongo gushiCC BY 2.0
Let's pretend the Offbeat Empire was an octopus, with each arm representing one facet of the readership or the posts or the values or the goals.

What would that octopus have in its arms?

Items should be simple and easily identifiable.

They could be niche, but can't be so niche that folks would need a cultural context link to understand what's going on. I mean, I love our niches, but the Empire is all about making weirdness feel accessible, yes?

All of this will make more sense later, but for now… let's brainstorm in the comments!

  1. Not sure about the other 7 arms, but I think MOTHERFUCKING BASIL should be in one of them. It can be a symbol for homesteading, gardening, and generally getting dirty and doing it yourself, but it has also been on that "Going viral" section for like a year.

    Ooh, and another one can be a huge chunky super-high-heel rainbow platform shoe with pictures of skulls and unicorns barfing more rainbows.

    25 agree
  2. I can't think of what item would represent this, but "non-judgement" is one of the Empire values I hold dearest to my heart. It's been oft-repeated, but respect for other people's decisions, even when they differ from or our own, is one of the reasons this community is so rad and welcoming.

    8 agree
  3. A laptop, because none of us would be connected here without the internet/computers.
    A whisk/rubber spatula/other kitchen utensil. Megan-simple, make your own wedding food, and can be used for bedroom fun, too.
    A ball of yarn, because I'm a huge knitting dork and we can pretend that it represents craftiness.
    A shoe. Crazy platform rainbow-y. Because, obviously.
    A bird. Everything needs a bird on it.

    Am I being too literal? Why aren't there more comments on this post?

    3 agree
  4. Something to represent all the fantastic geekery… maybe an old school Nintendo controller? Or a comic book?

    Some scissors/glue/hammer to represent DIYing

    Also a rainbow unicorn.

    8 agree
    • Second to Dootsie's "yay" flag suggestion! I especially like that one because it calls to mind our positive focus as a supportive community.

      Also, I vote for an open book clutched in one of those cephalopod tentacles. Because it would symbolise "readership", nerdiness, and the OBB book where this all began. I may be predisposed to suggest books in most situations, though…

      5 agree
    • With something really tacky! Because all weddings are tacky and that's one of my favorite posts.

      8 agree
  5. How about some kind of diy/alternative bouquet (broach, candy, paper)? And a lightsaber. And maybe a typewriter? A little more offbeat than a computer, but similar vibe, I think.

    1 agrees
  6. Something like a shield or a superhero badge that's got the words "COMMENT MODERATION" hammered into steel! Because let's face it, that's what really keeps this site runnin'.

    10 agree
  7. I'm surprised that no one said cat yet. And I'm seconding the basil, tattoo, pumps, and baskets.

    5 agree
  8. A bouquet
    A dildo
    A rainbow flag
    A human baby
    A fiver
    An anatomically correct and still beating heart
    A cat
    A frying pan

    4 agree
  9. A paintbrush, a fancy pen, a cupcake.
    I second the tattoo, basket, rainbow flag, and frying pan suggestions.
    Also, I think the octopus should wear a birdcage veil that mirrors the shape of it's head.

    5 agree
  10. Maybe some sort of nod to the nerdy niches represented in OBE? A geared/ steampunk tentacle, a laser blaster, sonic screwdriver, quill pen, or something to represent the ren faire/medieval themes that I've seen pop up!

    Something like a marriage equality paper doll chain could be cool, too. Same-gendered and poly weddings would be represented alongside heterosexual couples. I don't know I'd this makes ANY sense, but I see it in my head.

    3 agree
  11. I love baskets and basil and a tattoo and a cat and a hitachi and a birdcage veil. Maybe also a cooking spoon (maybe the octopus can be wearing an apron with a crinoline?? Is that even possible?), a hammer/saw/drill, a pair of t-strap shoes? Is that more arms than it has? Oh, and two of the arms should be hugging. 🙂 The end!

    3 agree
  12. -a kitty– because Octopi live kitties,
    -sexy librarian glasses for the nerds *fixes thick glasses*,
    -giant rainbow shoes — because we all love Ariel's shoe porn,
    -the fuck-off fairy–no explanation needed,
    -a big ol heart for the families- because that is all one needs to make a family,
    -basil or bunnies for the homesteaders,
    -a big ol tattooed lady holding a frying pan — because she'd be awesome.

    2 agree

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