If the Offbeat Empire were an octopus, what would it hold in each of its arms? February 27 | Ariel offbeatbride By: mongo gushi – CC BY 2.0 Let's pretend the Offbeat Empire was an octopus, with each arm representing one facet of the readership or the posts or the values or the goals. What would that octopus have in its arms? Items should be simple and easily identifiable. They could be niche, but can't be so niche that folks would need a cultural context link to understand what's going on. I mean, I love our niches, but the Empire is all about making weirdness feel accessible, yes? All of this will make more sense later, but for now… let's brainstorm in the comments! Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Ariel Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives in Seattle with her son, and if she's not reading or writing, chances are good that she's dancing and happy-crying. PREVIOUS Don't be that guy: why wedding vendors shouldn't publicly rant about work NEXT SEO guest post inquiries: the best and the worst Show/Hide comments [ 41 ] Not sure about the other 7 arms, but I think MOTHERFUCKING BASIL should be in one of them. It can be a symbol for homesteading, gardening, and generally getting dirty and doing it yourself, but it has also been on that "Going viral" section for like a year. Ooh, and another one can be a huge chunky super-high-heel rainbow platform shoe with pictures of skulls and unicorns barfing more rainbows. 25 agree One more! A sex toy of some kind. There are some excellent discussions about solo sex, and IIRC masturbation is on the wedding checklist somewhere? 10 agree Oooo yes! I vote for the classic vibrator — a familiar silhouette everybody can understand. 3 agree FUCKING BASIL. Ha. Also, it would be a Hitachi Magic Wand or nuthin'. 10 agree I can't think of what item would represent this, but "non-judgement" is one of the Empire values I hold dearest to my heart. It's been oft-repeated, but respect for other people's decisions, even when they differ from or our own, is one of the reasons this community is so rad and welcoming. 8 agree Maybe a thumbs-up? Or an "a-ok" sign? 2 agree Or maybe two of the arms could be hugging?? 2 agree A laptop, because none of us would be connected here without the internet/computers. A whisk/rubber spatula/other kitchen utensil. Megan-simple, make your own wedding food, and can be used for bedroom fun, too. A ball of yarn, because I'm a huge knitting dork and we can pretend that it represents craftiness. A shoe. Crazy platform rainbow-y. Because, obviously. A bird. Everything needs a bird on it. Am I being too literal? Why aren't there more comments on this post? 3 agree Something to represent all the fantastic geekery… maybe an old school Nintendo controller? Or a comic book? Some scissors/glue/hammer to represent DIYing Also a rainbow unicorn. 8 agree BASKETS! Or maybe one basket. 21 agree Ah, BASKETS MOMENT! I like the idea of the octopus holding 8 baskets each filled with a different thing, but that's probably too complicated to draw. 4 agree What about a basket of baskets? Like a basket of baskets stacked? 3 agree I don't know why I hadn't thought about it!! 1 agrees I don't know about the arms but I think the "Fuck Off" Fairy should be hovering nearby. 16 agree I'm all about the "Yay!" sign. I feel like that encompasses a lot of things I love about y'all. 24 agree Second to Dootsie's "yay" flag suggestion! I especially like that one because it calls to mind our positive focus as a supportive community. Also, I vote for an open book clutched in one of those cephalopod tentacles. Because it would symbolise "readership", nerdiness, and the OBB book where this all began. I may be predisposed to suggest books in most situations, though… 5 agree How about a THIS! flag? 3 agree A rainbow. Also, one tentacle should be tattooed! 27 agree With something really tacky! Because all weddings are tacky and that's one of my favorite posts. 8 agree BASKETS! 2 agree A snowflake (because we're all special snowflakes) 7 agree How about some kind of diy/alternative bouquet (broach, candy, paper)? And a lightsaber. And maybe a typewriter? A little more offbeat than a computer, but similar vibe, I think. 1 agrees Something like a shield or a superhero badge that's got the words "COMMENT MODERATION" hammered into steel! Because let's face it, that's what really keeps this site runnin'. 10 agree Heart shaped pervertibles and shoes. 3 agree I'm surprised that no one said cat yet. And I'm seconding the basil, tattoo, pumps, and baskets. 5 agree A home – dolls house style maybe? Or a basket with a hut and a tent etc? Since offbeat home exists, and the empire is a home for its readers. I love the Fuck Off Fairy, Baskets, and oh yeah, Pervertibles! 1 agrees A bouquet A dildo A rainbow flag A human baby A fiver An anatomically correct and still beating heart A cat A frying pan 4 agree Oh fuck, and a basket. Work a basket in there somewhere. 3 agree It can wear it as a hat. 10 agree SO MANY AMAZING IDEAS YOU GUYS OMG. 1 agrees A paintbrush, a fancy pen, a cupcake. I second the tattoo, basket, rainbow flag, and frying pan suggestions. Also, I think the octopus should wear a birdcage veil that mirrors the shape of it's head. 5 agree I LOVE the idea of it wearing a birdcage veil. And a tattooed arm, definitely. And why do I want it to be wearing a monocle? 5 agree Because monocles should be mandatory for octopus. 10 agree Maybe some sort of nod to the nerdy niches represented in OBE? A geared/ steampunk tentacle, a laser blaster, sonic screwdriver, quill pen, or something to represent the ren faire/medieval themes that I've seen pop up! Something like a marriage equality paper doll chain could be cool, too. Same-gendered and poly weddings would be represented alongside heterosexual couples. I don't know I'd this makes ANY sense, but I see it in my head. 3 agree Ummm, how was the first comment not about tentacle porn? 10 agree titillating tentacle tales 2 agree A hammer. For banging all thw other stuff together into one glorious jumble. 1 agrees I love baskets and basil and a tattoo and a cat and a hitachi and a birdcage veil. Maybe also a cooking spoon (maybe the octopus can be wearing an apron with a crinoline?? Is that even possible?), a hammer/saw/drill, a pair of t-strap shoes? Is that more arms than it has? Oh, and two of the arms should be hugging. 🙂 The end! 3 agree -a kitty– because Octopi live kitties, -sexy librarian glasses for the nerds *fixes thick glasses*, -giant rainbow shoes — because we all love Ariel's shoe porn, -the fuck-off fairy–no explanation needed, -a big ol heart for the families- because that is all one needs to make a family, -basil or bunnies for the homesteaders, -a big ol tattooed lady holding a frying pan — because she'd be awesome. 2 agree Maybe the octopus is EATING A BUNNY. 3 agree Comments are closed.