WE HEART YOU: our favorite comments on the Empire this week

February 14 | offbeatbride
This photo was our valentine to Offbeat Bride's Instagram followers.
This photo was our valentine to Offbeat Bride's Instagram followers.
You guys! It's Valentine's Day, and for those of us who like culture jamming, this means very little about romance or boyfriends/girlfriends/zefriends and means very MUCH about arts & crafts, red & pink, and showering everyone we know with our affection. So, in honor of this day of editor-on-reader LUV, please excuse us while we collectively ovulate all over y'all with our favorite sexy-pants comments from our favorite sexy-pants readers…

Offbeat Bride

We shared a hilarious video this morning featuring a sketch comedy troupe made up of three men and a woman. OF COURSE Offbeat Bride readers immediately leap to polyamorous inclinations, with Elizabeth saying:

I hope LIKE BURNING that the young woman in the video is dating all of those guys, and they are all dating each other, and that they figure out a way to have a beautiful intimate barn wedding with a underwater grotto kingdom and a color scheme that flatters everyone involved.

POLYAMOROUS QUAD UNDERWATER BARN WEDDING! We have tag archives for all these things.

Offbeat Home & Life

Ok, is it just me or is the current state of Offbeat Home & Life commenting the best of any Empire site, at any time? Seriously, comments are active, intelligent, hilarious, and spot-on… almost daily! That said, of course our editors love it the most when things get filthy, as they inevitably did on today's post about heart-themed home decor:


Does anyone else think the bamboo spoon looks like cardiac and more, um, phallic? I just see balls and a shaft is all I'm saying. Am I alone in this boat? hello? hello?

Of course rorsun1 is not alone in that boat. Click here to get on-board, because the entire thread is amazing. Of course, all I could think about that wooden spoon is… "Does this count as a pervertable?"

  1. Ariel, I love the outfit you are wearing in the pic. Is it a jumpsuit or a dress? Looks cute and comfy (best of both worlds, right?).

      • Oh My Sweet Carebears!

        This is certifiably better than the Care Bears and the Land Without Feelings, which sadly upon re-watching did not live up to the plot-inflated memories I had of watching it as a child.

        I feel so warm and fluffy from this picture I just wanna give a big 'ol CARE BEAR STARE! <3

        1 agrees
      • How is it that your husband STILL manages to be so hot in that *ridiculous* ensemble? Seriously! 😛

  2. *\o/*

    I gotta say, though, your hope that "the polyamorous barn merpeople community can find it in their hearts (gills?) to forgive us for contributing to their further marginalization" really took the cake. Fish?

    4 agree
  3. As I scrolled down this post, husband asked if that was a ball-sack rest. This is how I know you people are my people (and that he is my person!)

    13 agree
    • Aaahhhahahahaaa! As a spoon it's useless (can you imagine trying to get the last of the brownie batter out of a bowl with that thing?) But as a ball sack rest? Perfection.

      8 agree
      • I just use my fingers for both of those things.

        17 agree
        • Just as long as you wash your hands between one and the other…

          2 agree
          • or, you know, not. As long as everyone involved is consenting… 🙂

            1 agrees

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