Comments o' the week: carrot & donut sex, showing up, Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, and GOATS

October 26 | offbeatbride
By: Dave GinsbergCC BY 2.0
We skipped doing this last week because frankly, I was too overwhelmed moderating comments to deal with collecting editor favorites… but we're back this week! And so without further ado, here are the Offbeat Empire editors' very favorite comments from all four of our websites…

Offbeat Home

We ran a great post from Offbeat Homie CHAE-BIRD about her Feminist pastry party: Celebrating non-heteronormative relationships with baked goods!, where she detailed the party she threw, inspired by an anti-gay lecture that made awkward food metaphors about gay sex: "Men were not created to sword-fight and women were not created to have pastry parties." The comments got HILARIOUS, starting with this one from Aja:

Wow, metaphor fail. Aren't metaphors supposed to help you visually and emotionally connect with a concept on a visceral level? Because I'd much rather have two carrots or two doughnuts than some bizarro carrot-doughnut combo. If I were to take that as an indication of what sort of sexuality I should support or denounce… well, you see where I'm headed.

This then lead to talk of long cylindrical and carrot cake donuts. DELICIOUS!

Offbeat Mama

On the post, Of family, fear, and Freezy-Pops: on visiting my daughter at school after I transitioned from Daddy to Mommy, there was this wonderful comment from Halley:

Favorite line:
"Eventually, though, we need to learn that we don't hide just because we're different."

I love that. I'm sure this process has been confusing at times for all parties involved, but as I often tell my husband, the most important part of parenting is just showing up.

On a side note, we've had so many inspiring submissions from our transgender and genderqueer readers lately! I've long known that community content is contagious, and this is the best possible example of that concept. The more trans-related parenting posts we publish, the more amazing submissions we keep receiving! SO awesome.

Offbeat Bride

On Offbeat Bride, we had a great discussion about challenging online negativity which included mincybits' excellent summation of internet behavior:

Those nasty bitches on internet wedding forums are probably perfectly normal individuals in daily life; anonymity brings out the worst in many of us. See also the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19

Not everyone deals with stress the same way; for those of us who stick around here, constructive, nurturing environments are good. For others of us, we need to indulge in some stress-relieving spleen-venting back-bitery. Some people juggle geese.

Offbeat Geese Juggler: our next site?

Oh, and speaking of farm animals, let's get to our weirdest comment of the week…

RANDOM BONUS COMMENT

…It's like the Random Bonus Shoe of Offbeat Empire commenting! This one came in on the Offbeat Empire blog's post about Liberal Bullying:

Hey, look, this, is, quit, goo, but, issue, is, that, tere, are, poepl, who, think, HEY, look at that, sexy goat, for esample, and make love to a goat, and they are, not taking, INTO, account, the fact that A GOAT CANNOT CONSENT, and no matter, how many overtuer, you make, to a GOAT you still cannot say that you HAVE HAD CONSENT FROM THE GOAT BECAUSE A GOAT CANNOT CONSENT, so, it remain and difficult issue and I dra a line in the sand and when the approach will spin with my arms out.

Repeat after me: A GOAT CANNOT CONSENT.

  1. What the dizzy shitbag is going on with that goats one? I am going to be muttering "a goat cannot consent" and cracking up for days now.

    2 agree
    • Sometimes with comments like the goat one, I usually try to read them through one of three filters:

      1. Is English this commenter's second language?
      2. Is this personal mentally ill and just doing their best to express themselves?
      3. Or is this a spambot?

      1 agrees
      • I don't really mind what's causing it, I love it. The poster reminds me of a troll that used to frequent a message board I like whose best ever quote was "There is no calm down in your shitbag". It was wonderful.

        7 agree
    • Right? I fully intend to work A GOAT CANNOT CONSENT into Arkham Horror tonight. Somehow. It's Lovecraft; there's bound to be a goat metaphor somewhere.

      1 agrees
      • Pick Shub-Niggurath (the Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young) as your Ancient One. Man, impressed at how I didn't even have to think about that.

        1 agrees
  2. I don't want to know how many overtures it took to realize that.

    5 agree
  3. Quote from my husband after reading the goat comment:

    "Is this a political issue I'm not aware of?"

    1 agrees
  4. Oh. My. Gawd. Wash. No Wash quotes! I die a little bit inside. I'll never get over it.

    4 agree
          • Mmm, I'm not sure how best to link to that quote. It's from the "Our Mrs Reynolds" episode of Firefly. This was the best link I found of the joke: http://www.somepeoplejugglegeese.com/about/

            "The phrase "Some people juggle geese" comes from Joss Whedon's defunct sci-fi western TV show Firefly. The line is spoken by the character Wash in the episode called "Our Mrs. Reynolds."

            The situation is as follows. Wash has remarked to his wife Zoe that people on other planets have strange customs: in one place he visited, the primary form of recreation was to juggle goslings (baby geese). Later in the episode, a woman steals a shuttle from the space ship he pilots. His wife asks him why the thief would steal the shuttle, rather than the whole ship. He says, "Maybe she likes shuttles." Since this is not much of an explanation, she gives him an exasperated look. Then he says, in his defense, "Some people juggle geese!""

            4 agree
    • WAAASSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

      Goslings! Baby geese! They were juggled!

      2 agree

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