Oh hi. Wait, what? It's summer, which means my postings here on the Empire get a little sparser because I'm, you know, actually leaving the house sometimes to go for walks or go camping or take selfies or whatever. BUT! This week I made staffers promise that we'd do favorite comments, because they're fun and ridiculous.
This is Offbeat Empire's archive of Noteworthy comments posts.
Another week of Offbeat Empire comments, and another week of dramatic interpretations by Offbeat Empire staff! This week we have the debut video from Offbeat Bride's newest editor, Chris Wolfgang. (She's the one who produces the pretty posts in our wedding porn category — you may remember her "peacock wet dream" reference this week?) Also in attendance via video this week: the Managing Editor of Offbeat Bride and Offbeat Home & Life, Megan; as well as Caroline, our copyeditor, assistant editor of Offbeat Home, and resident Mistress of the Dark; and me.
Ok, ok! I know it's been forever since we've done favorite comments, but I'm going to make it worth the wait by doing more video staff interpretations of our favorite comments. Also, it's my birthday, and all my editors gave me the gift of wearing lipstick for our staff meeting this morning (dudes, when you work from home, that is an AMAZING GIFT!) so you get to see everyone looking extra fancy.
This week we're going to try something a little different with our noteworthy comment round-up… three of us have chosen to do interpretive readings of our favorite reader comments.
You guys! It's Valentine's Day, and for those of us who like culture jamming, this means very little about romance or boyfriends/girlfriends/zefriends and means very MUCH about arts & crafts, red & pink, and showering everyone we know with our affection. So, in honor of this this day of editor-on-reader LUV, please excuse us while we collectively ovulate all over y'all with our favorite sexy-pants comments from our favorite sexy-pants readers…
What time is it? Whose pants am I wearing? Where am I? This week has been all about trying to get my bearings as I come down off the high of my 10-day tour of all East Coast Lovesick shows. I've had a couple days this week where I was at my computer from 5am until 8pm… not even because I had so much work to do (although sure, that too) but mostly just because I'm like Yesssss, sweet internet. I have missed you. Sweet data, come closer to me. Pucker up. Yessss. I really loved getting out into the world for a bit, but let's be honest: at my core, I'm a shut-in nerd most comfortable in yesterday's stretch pants.
Anyway! Part of slipping back into my publisher mode has been non-stop motor-boating of the Offbeat Empire's comments, and there were some good ones this week.
The thing about the Empire that you've probably noticed is that we love to talk about, joke about, and post about sexy sex stuff… whether it's featuring a guide to buying bedroom toys, or ogling an Offbeat Bride's amazing rack.
This in mind, it shouldn't be shocking to you that our favorite comments of the week are all about boobs and embarrassing toy stories…
At 9pm last night, I was doing ill-advised Tokyo-karaoke with an astrology columnist and an event planner, and Megan sent me an email: "Is your shoe post for tomorrow morning done?!" My response was, "Fuuuuuuuu ck. Drink at karaoke. It will be done!" Then I finished up my rendition of Pearl Jam's Black, giggled through a completely failed attempt at "Just Give Me A Reason," and stumbled home to write this post, which is not about shoes at all. Welcome to the Offbeat Empire. Let's talk about our favorite comments this week!