Dealing with bullshit, micro-celebrity, and Offbeat Bride Magazine

By on Jun 28th

Ummm … how do you deal? As in it all gets to be beyond overwhelming and you just want to stick your head in a bottle of Jaeger. But instead, you … ? -Cristen

Snow hike

Hiking = good way to clear the mind


My favorite methods for dealing with anxiety include:

  • Very long, very hot shower
  • Dance class
  • Neighborhood walk or hike
  • Mindlessly click around online (like this: INTERNET! FOREVER…)
  • Stare at the rainbow disco ball thing (it's in the book)
  • When the going gets really tough, go for unconscious: NAP TIME.

Next question!

how do you feel about the celebrity you have gained as a result of the book and the sites?



Ah, micro-celebrity. First, I must say something: if you know who I am, it's not because of my book. It's because of the internet (…FOREVER). I know from my reader surveys that like 12 of you found me first via my book. The rest of you found me via the internet (…FOREVER! ok, ok I'll stop).

But yeah, micro-celebrity. Since I started blogging in 2000 and hang out in super geeky circles, I've had a long time to get used to the "Uh, you don't know me, but I read your blog…" phenomenon, so that kind of niche notoriety feels pretty ok. Of course it's always nice to have people who are familiar with your work, but it's just not that big of a deal and there's no need to get all "OH HELLOOOOO MY LITTLE DARLINGS! TAKE MAH PICTURE! I AM A ROCK STAR! LA LA LA." I'm not. I'm a blogger. A few thousand people are familiar with my corner of the web. I am not a celebrity, nor am I even that well-known of a writer, relatively speaking.

This is all to say, while I'm comfortable with niche notoriety (because I recognize it for what it is: a niche. A very small one.) I DO get uncomfortable when it turns into any sort of idolatry. I totally get having online writers who you admire and adore (I have a ton of them!). But I think it can get weird when you start projecting your admiration on to people and thinking somehow they're better than you.

For the most part, people you admire are just as confused and fucked up as you are. They may have figured out certain areas of their lives (hence the cause of your admiration), but chances are good that other aspects of their lives are in shambles, and you could probably teach them a thing or two.

I guess I'm saying we all need more mentors, and less idols. I don't need the web to create more self-absorbed celebrities. I want it to create a gallery of accessible, intelligent mentors.

would you ever want to get re-weddinged? (party excuse?)

I don't have a real pull to get re-weddinged at this point, but it's only been 6ish years. I could totally see the appeal after 10 or 20.

what's your favorite part of being a wife (rather than a girlfriend, or single)? and what's your favorite part of being a mama?

It's hard for me to answer the first question, because I just don't feel very different as a wife than I did as a longtime girlfriend. I know some folks feel a big shift, but I just didn't. So I guess it would just be something legal like shared health insurance. I know. SO ROMANTIC!

As for my favorite part of being a mama? Considering that I spent five years trying, just being a mother at all feels like a major accomplishment. Specifically, I guess it would be the weight of my son's head resting on my shoulder.

I want an Offbeat Bride MAGAZINE!!! Please oh PLEAZZEEEE consider a magazine! I would love nothing more then to go to my local bookstore, without a laptop, and still get my Offbeat fix….*sigh* Such a beautiful dream!

As far as Offbeat Bride: The Magazine goes, thanks for the sweet vote of confidence … but I don't see it ever happening. My career actually first started with writing and then editing an independent magazine back in the '90s, and lemme tell you: PUBLISHING MAGAZINES IS REALLY FUCKING HARD. Seriously. So hard.

There's a reason why so many magazines are going out of business these days, while online publications like Offbeat Bride are thriving. Printing, distribution, ad sales, subscriber services … it's a huuuuuuuuge pain in the ass. The joy of offbeatbride.com is that I can skip all those things (and all those costs) and focus on what I like doing most: WRITING.

Plus, why mess with paper and mailing and killing trees and a big ol' delay (most mag articles are written 4-6 months before you read them)? With offbeatbride.com I have an idea, write it up, and publish it in 10 minutes. No need to pay a printer, distributor, etc, etc, etc, etc.

I know it's not quite as hold-it-in-your-hands tangible as a magazine, but offbeatbride.com is probably as close as I'll ever get. :) I mean, I'd never say never … but.